Helping to Make Stronger Families

Positive Care Strengthens Families

How can we strengthen families so children can be successful? The American Society for Positive Care of Children and the Strengthening Families programs find developing social and emotional health is as important as reading to children every day.
  Crying or screaming babies can be most stressful since they don’t have the words to tell what is wrong. From birth, we can start giving children emotional words even though they may not understand or say them yet.
  First check physical needs. ”You are so (hungry, wet, tired, or uncomfortable). I will help.” Let them know you understand how they feel and start teaching words they will use later. Take a deep breath and describe what is gong on in a neutral way to help stay calm, too.
Being Proactive
    If babies are frustrated because they can’t play with a dangerous object, keep it out of sight. Offer a distraction. Offer a different toy or change the scenery. If a baby can’t stand the car seat, offer a wonderful plaything only available in the car.

Plan for Young Ones' Needed Down Time

   When babies need downtime during a certain time of the day, read a soothing story, rock, play soft music, or hold in front of a window. Happy and soothing books include “The Perfect Hug” and the “Perfect Kiss” by Walsh.
   Avoid running errands at that time until they are older. Organize a support group of friends and relatives to take turns having one or two hours of free time to conduct errands.
  During out of control crying, remain calm and positive, deep breathe, and praise them for something. “You will be much happier and cozier now. Close your little eyes and relax.” Then take a nap when they sleep. Chores can wait.
  In toddlers, preschoolers, or older children, anger may look like many emotions.  It is difficult to know until children have the words and are calm enough to talk about their feelings Help children know what they are feeling and use the words. Frustration, sadness, hurt, jealously, worry, anxiety, disappointment, embarrassment, fear can look the same.
Getting the Anger Out

Teach Emotional Words Through Conversations

  Teaching emotional words and how to calm down cannot be taught during a full-fledged melt down. They can be taught at many other times during the day through conversations or after a melt down.
  Young children can learn to calm down by slowly breathing deeply in through the nose and sticking out the stomach. Exhale through the mouth much longer and slower than inhaling.
  Young children can punch a pillow, tense and relax muscles from the face to the toes, exercise, or count to 10 slowly. When they are calm, use ”I messages” to let them know you understand their feelings. ”I understand you are angry” can start the conversation. 
Photos: Fran Darling, fdarling fotos 
More Ideas and Activities....See the authors’ book “Learning Through the Seasons” at area bookstores and grandparentsteachtoo.org. For more help to prepare young children for success in school see the authors’ web site: www.grandparentsteachtoo.org. Also check our audio Podcasts WNMU Radio, 90; Youtube video activities; and join us on Pinterest