Giving Children Time Out and Time in

Expect It - Behaviors Are A Challenge

Expect it. Young children test grandparents’ limits and do behaviors that are dangerous or disruptive. They break rules set by the parents. Families may avoid some power struggles by giving children several simple choices, planning ahead, setting up rules and expectations, and practicing desired behavior.  Recognizing tired, hungry, or ill children helps, too.   Preschoolers are able to follow simple rules, respond to command, have self-control to wait for things they want, and deal with frustration from not getting their way, usually.

Misbehavior Happens

   There are many reasons for misbehavior though: jealousy, a feeling they are not getting enough positive attention, frustration, and stress according to child psychologists. When children misbehave, they will usually get a lot of attention even though it is negative. Pediatricians recommend to avoid yelling, hitting, and getting too worked up during episodes.  This increases negative attention and reinforces getting out of control and being aggressive toward others.

   Experts with their own children suggest walking away and breathing deeply. If in a public place, remove the child. It is usually not possible to reach a child in the 

Strategies and Consequences

midst of a full blown tantrum until everyone is calm.

 Improving Behavior

   Some strategies that can work to improve children’s behavior include allowing children to see the “natural consequences” of actions. If they throw a toy (against the safety rules) or break it, then they can't play with it.

   There are “logical consequences.” If they don't put toys away, the toys will have a “time out” and be unavailable for a reasonable time.

 There is “withholding privileges.” 

Activities children enjoy like playing Legos or watching their favorite show are taken away for a few days until children earn them back.

  Then there is “time out” of one minute for each year of age regulated by a timer. The “time out” is silence in a special place with no toys, not in their room, but where they can be observed and ignored. Everyone takes a break. Afterwards there is a gentle clear discussion of the broken rule, what went wrong, what expectations must be followed, and checking for understanding. 

  “Extinction” is another discipline technique that may work with a school age child. When a child misbehaves or is disruptive, the adult stops paying attention to the child. This approach is best for temper tantrums, frequent whining, or other disruptive type behaviors.

Firmness, Consistency and Calm

  Pediatricians stress to be firm, consistent, calm, use a normal volume, and loving manner. Talk about appropriate behavior when all are calm.  It’s only the behavior adults don’t like, not the child. 

  Family reward or token systems can also be effective in changing bad behaviors. Experts suggest writing down basic house rules on the refrigerator, sticking to them, and reviewing often. 

Photos: Fran Darling, fdarling fotos 

For “time in” activities see grandparentsteachtoo.blogspot.com and wnmufm.org/Learning through the Seasons.