Stop Bullying in Ten Seconds

Witnessing Bullying Can Be Damaging to Other Children

  While talking with young children about bullying they often share how upset and helpless they feel that no one comes forward to help. Adults are disappointed and hurt about this, too. They know witnessing bullying can be just as, if not more, damaging to the other children as the victims. Caregivers face a dilemma when children witness bullying – keeping the witnesses safe but wanting children to help stop the bullying. Experts have research results and advice to help.

Start Conversations

  A good time to talk with children about how to stop bullying is when they witness the act.  Bystanders have the most power to put an end to bullying! Three out of ten children are either a bully or a victim, which means seven out of ten children are witnesses. Caregivers of young children can empower those seven children to help stop bullying.

Talking To Children Helps: Bystanders

  When peers step in, bullying stops within ten seconds 57% of the time according to a study by Hawkins, Pepler and Craig. It makes sense to teach young children to be defenders.

   Talk openly about how to handle the situation to give children positive ways to deal with it. Children can understand what an important role they play as a bystander. Role play a situation where they have a chance to be the bystander and help them imagine how they would feel if they were being bullied. Ask what they would expect from others if they were the victim. Talk about how much it can hurt and why it is important to stop bullying. Encourage children to be kind to the victims and perhaps spend time with them.

Words and Actions

  Talk about how bullies love an audience. Help children find ways to take the audience away. They can encourage everyone to do a different activity or quietly walk away to find an adult.  Explain that they should never put themselves in the position to be bullied or not feel safe, however. Assure them it is “ok” to tell an adult, and it is the right thing to do.   Explain the difference between tattling (reporting unimportant things to get someone in trouble) and telling (reporting important events to keep someone safe).

Training Calms Children's Fears

 Without training young children are afraid to tell because they fear becoming the victim or that bullying may get worse.  Help children be assertive and confident. Practice saying loudly and forcefully, “No, we don’t like that!” or “Stop! What you are doing is bullying, and it isn’t right!”   Be sure your children understand to only speak up if they feel comfortable and safe to do that. Otherwise, get help. These skills help foster adults who will be involved, responsible, and caring members of society.

For more since 2009 (archived) see grandparentsteachtoo.blogspot.com, wnmufm.org/ Learning Through the Seasons, Facebook, and Pinterest.

Photos: Fran Darling, fdarling fotos 

GRAMS - Creating a Positive Media Home

What Does Your Media Glorify?

Children learn habits very early. According to Dr. Marjorie Hagan co-author of the “American Academy of Pediatrics Recommendations for Media Use”,  “A healthy approach to children’s media use should both minimize potential health risks and foster positive media use.” One method to evaluate all media is using GRAMS Rules, according to Kristine Paulsen, guest writer.
 GRAMS Rules
(Reminder from the AAP:  TV and other screens should not be allowed for infants and children under two years of age.) What video games/shows are young children playing and watching?
  G – Does it GLORIFY violence?  The National Television Violence Study found that nearly 40% of the violence in television occurs by the “good guys”. They found 71% of violent scenes without remorse, criticism, or penalty for violence. (Smith, et al., 1998, “Harmful effects of exposure to media violence: Learning of aggression, emotional desensitization, and fear. “
  R – Does it REINFORCE Violence?  This is important in selecting video games because they have the ability to directly reinforce violent behavior like killing, fighting, torturing, etc.  Violent video games directly reward violent behavior by giving points that allow advancement to the next level.  Often verbal praise is given when you kill someone. These games have the strongest effect on increasing aggression. Playing these violent video games was the second greatest predictor of physical aggression at school.
 A – ADD up total entertainment media; Minutes Matter include TV, Video Games, etc.  Families may want to keep a log for a week to find out how much time each member spends on media entertainment. This is often a wake-up call
  M –Does it MODEL violence? Does it teach players how to be violent and provide a model? Hundreds of studies have shown that children imitate what they see in movies, television, and video games, especially if the aggressor is similar in age or attractive. One study (Boyatzis) exposed elementary children to a single episode of the Power Rangers and then observed verbal and physical aggression in the classroom. Children who watched the violent TV program

What Does Your Media Model?

committed seven times the number of intentional acts of aggression, including: hitting, kicking, shoving, and insulting another student, than the control group.  These exposures teach that violence is a way of solving problems. 
S – Does it include SOCIAL or relational violence?  Some of the most serious bullying involves social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational or Indirect Bullying. Social bullying can include: leaving someone out on purpose, telling other children not to be friends with someone, spreading rumors about someone, or embarrassing someone in public.
  After monitoring all media with the GRAMS Rules, parents may wish to delete or turn off unacceptable media, monitor more closely, change activity options, and explain the reasons.
Photos: Fran Darling, fdarling fotos 
More Ideas and Activities....See the authors’ book “Learning Through the Seasons” at area bookstores and grandparentsteachtoo.org. For more help to prepare young children for success in school see the authors’ web site: www.grandparentsteachtoo.org. Also check our audio Podcasts WNMU Radio 90; Youtube video activities; and join us on Pinterest