Positive Discipline Works for Families

Discipline that will make a difference in children’s behavior is not easy nor is it a one- time event. Discipline that works is a slow, bit-by-bit, time consuming task of helping children to see the sense in acting a certain way. Readers have asked for more of Dr. Katherine Kersey’s 101 Positive Principles of Discipline to create strong families and reduce stress.  They are shared with her permission.

   Follow Through/Consistency Principle - Don't let the child manipulate you out of using your better judgment. Be firm (but kind)!

  Logical Consequences Principle - Teach children that behavior has consequences. If they forget their jacket, they get cold. If they don’t do their homework, they face the teacher and family’s consequences. If their allowance is all gone, they don’t get a “Slurpee.”

  Make a Sacrifice Principle - Sometimes you have to forget your personal desires (talking on your cell phone, watching a movie, doing your homework) and give full attention to your children

  Owning the Problem Principle – Decide who owns the problem by asking yourself, “Who is it bugging?” If it is bugging you, then you own the problem and need to take responsibility for solving it – OR – you can opt to not let it bug you (and let it go), such as in sibling quibbling!

  Partner Principle - Support your partner’s handling of the situation. If you disagree, move away and let him/her follow through. Leave the room, if you are having trouble not interfering. Do not negate or undermine the discipline in front of the children. If you do, the children will lose respect for both of you. Later, talk it over with your partner and let him/her know why you do not agree with handling the situation.

  Pay Attention Principle - Keep your eyes and mind on what is happening. Don’t wait until the child is out of control to step in.

  Preparation Principle - Let children know ahead of time what they can expect. (You will be able to spend "x" amount of money on shoes and may have one drink at the mall.)

  Prompt and Praise Principle – Explain the expected behavior in a non-critical way and praise children as soon as the behavior occurs.

  Punt the Plan Principle - In the middle of something that is not working – move on to something else. De-stress yourself.

 Positive Closure Principle - At the end of the day, remind children they are special and loved. Help them to look for something good - about the day that is finished and the day that lies ahead.

  Parenting Awareness of Michigan will sponsor a national speaker Dr. Deborah Gilboa “ Ask Dr. G” October 16 at the Holiday Inn in Marquette, Michigan.  She will speak on the 3 R’s of Parenting: Respect, Responsibility, and Resilience.  Register at preventionnetwork.org/pam

Photos: Fran Darling: fdarling fotos

More Ideas and Activities....See the authors’ book “Learning Through the Seasons” at area bookstores and grandparentsteachtoo.org. For more help to prepare young children for success in school see the authors’ web site: www.grandparentsteachtoo.org. Also check our audio Podcasts WNMU Radio 90; Youtube video activities; and join us on Pinterest

Smart “D”: Keys to Help Kids

Evidently families (perhaps the whole country) are searching for Positive Discipline Guidelines to help children see the sense in acting a certain way and de-stressing family life.  With her permission here are more principles. Thank you for phone calls, e-mails, and stopping us at the grocery store to request more of these principles.

   Families can find the complete list on Dr. Katharine Kersey’s blog. Do a Google search for Katharin Kersey. Her blog will be listed. It is available to print out and send around the world to loved ones.  Her book for teachers is also listed there.

  It is a brilliant list for the refrigerator.  Families can use it throughout the day and give as gifts to new parents and teachers. See grandparentsteachtoo.org and wnmufm.org for more “Learning Through the Seasons” information.

Keys to Help

  Humor Principle- Make a game out of it.  Laugh together a lot. (”How would a rabbit brush his teeth?”

When/Then-Abuse it/Lose it Principle-“When you have finished your homework, then you may watch TV.”(No homework-no TV.)

Privacy Principle-Never embarrass a child in front of others.  Always move to a private place to talk when there is a problem especially in a restaurant, grocery store, classroom, or mall.  Create such a place in your home. Sometimes sitting in the car to talk things over is a good idea.

Satiation Principle-Allow the behavior to continue if it is not dangerous, destructive, embarrassing, or an impediment to learning until the child is tired of doing it.

Shrug Principle-Learn to shrug instead of arguing. The shrug means,” I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is—end of discussion.”

 Switch Gears Principle - When the unexpected occurs, look for a way to make the most of the situation. For example, if you have a long wait, suggest that each of you close your eyes and listen for what you can hear, or look around and find something you have never noticed before.

Take a Break Principle - Tell the child to "take a break" and think about what she could do differently that would work better or be more constructive. Give her a place to go until she is ready to come back and behave more productively. (This could be a place that you have created in your home or classroom that is comfortable and quiet. A timer is sometimes helpful. The child can determine how long she might need to reflect, refocus and calm down.) The child is in control here. She can decide when she is ready to rejoin the group or try again.

    Parenting Awareness of Michigan will sponsor a national speaker Dr. Deborah Gilboa “ Ask Dr. G” October 16 at the Holiday Inn in Marquette, Michigan.  She will speak on the 3 R’s of Parenting: Respect, Responsibility, and Resilience.  Register at preventionnetwork.org/pam.

Photos: Fran Darling: fdarlingfotos

More Ideas and Activities....See the authors’ book “Learning Through the Seasons” at area bookstores and grandparentsteachtoo.org. For more help to prepare young children for success in school see the authors’ web site: www.grandparentsteachtoo.org. Also check our audio Podcasts WNMU Radio 90; Youtube video activities; and join us on Pinterest

Here are gems for parents, grandparents

Dr. Katharine Kersey's lists of "The 101 Guidance Principles of Discipline" are excellent stress- reducing practical ways to help children see the sense in acting a certain way (Hymes). With Dr. Kersey's permission, here is the first of three columns dedicated to her wisdom. Here are selections: - Encouragement principle - Give encouragement as often as possible, six times for every correction. Help children see the progress made. ("You got three spelling words correct. That is better than last week!" "Doesn't it feel good to be able to zip your own zipper, make your own bed, clean up your own spills?") - Eye Level Principle - When talking with children, get down on eye level, kneel or sit, and look them in the eye while talking softly. - Availability Principle - Make sure that children always know where to turn for help. If you aren't available, be sure someone is. Set aside 15-30 minutes a day to focus on them with the phone off. Children love to know they bring us joy and pleasure. Lighten up and have fun. - Blame it on the Rules Principle - "Our family rule is to wash your hands before eating." - Change Environment Principle- If the child's misbehavior cannot be stopped, you or child can move to another room or location. Come back together when you and the child are ready to make good choices and discussions. - Brainstorming Principle - Brainstorm with children possible solutions to the dilemma, problem, or predicament. Print them out. - Deep Breathing Principle - Teach children and everyone to take three slow, deep belly- stick- out breaths and count slowing to five starting with zero when upset. Everyone will think more clearly. - Collect Data Principle - Keep a written record of the frequency of inappropriate behaviors. Record the antecedents (possible causes) as well as the consequences. Look for patterns that may give clues as to possible reasons, situations and/or solutions. Tired? Hungry? New situation? - Cueing Principle - Give children a cue such as a hand gesture to remind them ahead of time of the behavior you want them to exhibit. For example, teach children that instead of interrupting when you are talking with somebody else gently squeeze your hand. This will let you know they want to talk to you (as you return the squeeze) and as soon as you can, you will stop the conversation and find out what they want. - No Cat with the Pigeons Principle- Don't place temptation in front of children. (Don't leave the candy dish out if you don't want children to have any candy.) - Establish Routines and Traditions Principle- Children behave better when they know what they can count on. Establish traditions, which they can anticipate and which provide them with fond memories and feelings of belonging and security. - Love Principle- When in doubt, hold children, hug them, and tell them how much you love them. More Ideas and Activities For more ways to encourage music and expend energy on long winter days see the authors’ book “Learning Through the Seasons” at area bookstores and grandparentsteachtoo.org. For more help to prepare young children for success in school see the authors’ web site www.grandparentsteachtoo.org. Also check our audio Podcasts WNMU Radio 90; Youtube video activities; and join us on Pinterest. Photos by Fran Darling: fdarling fotos