Helping Angry or Sad Kids Relax

Techniques to Calm Children...

When children are angry or out of sorts we need many techniques to calm them down before we can talk together. No matter what it is, the situation begs for calmness.  Child psychologist, Angela Pruess’ parentswithconfidence.com is a wonderful site to help. It may depend on whether there is great anger or sadness which techniques you choose before you talk calmly together.  

Here are more samples of her suggestions for different ages:

Massage the hands. With a little baby oil use your thumb to 

massage each finger gently from the base to the tip. 

Massage the web between the thumb and pointer with your 

thumb from tip to palms up and the top of the hand upward. 

Rubbing children’s feet is also relaxing while you talk 

soothingly. Start by gently holding a foot. Then lightly press 

and circle your thumbs just above the center of the foot 

bottom where it bends ( the solar plexus reflex). Gently 

stroke from under the big toe. Then move on to the other 

toes. More can be found on You Tube when you search for 

reflexology or baby massage.Give a gentle circular back rub 
while a child is on your lap and sing a favorite soft song 
together, pray, or read a favorite book. Encourage 
preschoolers and older children to press their palms together 

and then release and relax several times. Squeeze a balled 

up wet wash cloth, squishy toy, or favorite stuffed animal. 

Release and relax. Do wall pushups together or lean against 

a counter at an angle and gently 

push away and back down. 

Young children can learn to give themselves a hug, close 

their eyes and picture nature or their favorite spot. They can 

go to their favorite spot and hug a stuffed animal, you, the 

dog, and pillow until they are ready to talk.

Read, color, or look at book while lying on the stomach.

Create something with clay. Children may need to slam it 

down down the table and pound or knead it for a while.

Go for a walk.  Throw some snowballs, snow chunks at tree 

trunks. Throw stone in the water. For young children 

you can make a pillow path and they can crawl on it. Walk or 

run around the inside or outside of the house. Go for a bike 

ride. Throw a ball over the garage 

roof. Someone catch it on the other side and throw it back. 

Throw a ball against a wall and catch it.

Older children can recite the alphabet backwards, count 

backwards from 100, or count backwards by 2or 3.  Make it a 

bit challenging, but not too challenging that they will give up. 

For more information see grandparentsteach@gmail.com; wnmufm.org/Learning Through the Seasons; on You Tube, or Pinterest  Photos, Fran Darling: fdarling fotos

Helping to Make Stronger Families

Positive Care Strengthens Families

How can we strengthen families so children can be successful? The American Society for Positive Care of Children and the Strengthening Families programs find developing social and emotional health is as important as reading to children every day.
  Crying or screaming babies can be most stressful since they don’t have the words to tell what is wrong. From birth, we can start giving children emotional words even though they may not understand or say them yet.
  First check physical needs. ”You are so (hungry, wet, tired, or uncomfortable). I will help.” Let them know you understand how they feel and start teaching words they will use later. Take a deep breath and describe what is gong on in a neutral way to help stay calm, too.
Being Proactive
    If babies are frustrated because they can’t play with a dangerous object, keep it out of sight. Offer a distraction. Offer a different toy or change the scenery. If a baby can’t stand the car seat, offer a wonderful plaything only available in the car.

Plan for Young Ones' Needed Down Time

   When babies need downtime during a certain time of the day, read a soothing story, rock, play soft music, or hold in front of a window. Happy and soothing books include “The Perfect Hug” and the “Perfect Kiss” by Walsh.
   Avoid running errands at that time until they are older. Organize a support group of friends and relatives to take turns having one or two hours of free time to conduct errands.
  During out of control crying, remain calm and positive, deep breathe, and praise them for something. “You will be much happier and cozier now. Close your little eyes and relax.” Then take a nap when they sleep. Chores can wait.
  In toddlers, preschoolers, or older children, anger may look like many emotions.  It is difficult to know until children have the words and are calm enough to talk about their feelings Help children know what they are feeling and use the words. Frustration, sadness, hurt, jealously, worry, anxiety, disappointment, embarrassment, fear can look the same.
Getting the Anger Out

Teach Emotional Words Through Conversations

  Teaching emotional words and how to calm down cannot be taught during a full-fledged melt down. They can be taught at many other times during the day through conversations or after a melt down.
  Young children can learn to calm down by slowly breathing deeply in through the nose and sticking out the stomach. Exhale through the mouth much longer and slower than inhaling.
  Young children can punch a pillow, tense and relax muscles from the face to the toes, exercise, or count to 10 slowly. When they are calm, use ”I messages” to let them know you understand their feelings. ”I understand you are angry” can start the conversation. 
Photos: Fran Darling, fdarling fotos 
More Ideas and Activities....See the authors’ book “Learning Through the Seasons” at area bookstores and grandparentsteachtoo.org. For more help to prepare young children for success in school see the authors’ web site: www.grandparentsteachtoo.org. Also check our audio Podcasts WNMU Radio, 90; Youtube video activities; and join us on Pinterest